DAY 61

Today I am grateful for: lunch with family

We headed to Victoria today, about 90mins drive from Nanaimo where we are staying. It was a beautiful, picturesque town with a harbour, nearby CBD shopping, gorgeous old buildings and lots to see.

We had a great lunch together on the harbour front, with the boys happily munching away on their food, and us grown-ups enjoying a meal out with the rest of the world.

I am grateful for time with Alison, Danny and the boys. I am grateful that I was able to carve space out of my work year, make the trip over and share these moments with the people I love. I need to remember that life isn't just about the destination, it is the moments that make up the journey that count.

So we had our worst night in the caravan last night. Kael was up with Croup from 10pm until 3am, waking Jamin up with his crying during that time too. Every time I woke up to the crying I felt very, very, very sorry for Alison having to be mummy in that situation. Both boys needed their mum, so Danny slept on Kael's bed and both Jamin and Kael were in with Alison. I admire Al greatly, as instead of praying for the boys to go to sleep, she instead prayed for the patience to be what that boys needed in that moment.

Being here with Al has made me realise

1 - how much I want to be a mother and

2 - how much I don't want to be a single mother.

I guess with this revelation it has reinforced my understanding that unless God can bring about a marriage for me I won't be able to be a mother in the sense that I have always hoped to be.

This trip, and this 100 days process, has and continues to help me come to terms with a life that I never expected to be living, and planning for a future that looks completely different to the one I had always hoped for. For me, maybe love and contentment won't be in the form of a wedding ring and the pitter-patter of little feet in our hallway. Maybe it will be found somewhere I can't even imagine.....

Maybe I need to take a page from Alison's book. Instead of praying for things to change I should be praying for the patience to be what I need to be right now. It's food for thought anyway.