My top reads of 2009

Well if you didn't already know it - I am a super keen reader (i am not really a fan of the word 'avid' and therefore have not used it here!), knocking over around 60 to 70 books per year. This averages out at around 1 to 2 books per week, increasing over my summer holidays when I pretty much spend the entire time sitting under a tree in a comfy chair with my ipod, cold drink and a great book - ah heaven for me!

Being the covert geek/control freak that I am, I keep a log of a the books as I read them and give them a rating out of 5. I thought other readers out there might like to know what I rated most highly this year - so below is my list of anything rated 4 or 5, in order of my favorites!, with a short description. Let me know if you loved any of these books as well - it would be nice to hear from other readers!

Let me know if you think I should publish my list of top reads ever - everything I have rated a 5....


Twilight saga - Stephanie Meyer - rating: 5/5
If you haven't heard of these you have probably been under a rock for the last year. I appreciated the twist on the classic vampire novel, plus what woman wouldn't love a ridiculously good looking vampire and/or an equally good looking boy/warewolf. Really.



Things without a name - Joanne Fedler - 5/5
A beautifully written, big-hearted love story that grabs you by the scruff of the neck and will not let you go. A story of 32yr Faith - jaded, single, overworked, underappreciated - who finds love and learns that before you can save others you have to save yourself.



Scar Tissue - Anthony Kiedis - 5/5
Biography of a classic bad boy rockstar, making it big with the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, drug addiction, love, friends and life as a superstar in the 90's



Dewey - Vicki Myron - 5/5
How many lives can one abandoned kitten touch? When he was just a few weeks old, Dewey Readmore Books was shoved through the book returns slot of his local library in a sleepy town. Starving, terrified and bruised, Dewey curled up into the arms of the library director Vicky. Vicky was a single mother who had survived the loss of her family farm, escaped a violent alcoholic husband and was struggling to bring up her little girl Jodi alone. Vicky fell in love with the little bundle of fur in her arms and campaigned to allow Dewey to stay and become the library cat. This is a book for everyone who has ever wanted, owned, or known a cat. Especially a ginger cat.I LOVED THIS BOOK!



The last lecture - Randy Pausch - 4.5/5
On 18 September 2007 computer science professor Randy Pausch stepped in front of an audience of 400 people at Carnegie Mellon University to deliver his last lecture. At 46, Randy had been told the month before that he had pancreatic cancer and had only a few months to live. Randy's lecture that day was called 'Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams'. It was modelled on a series of lectures where top academics are asked to think deeply about what matters to them, and then give a hypothetical 'final talk', i.e., 'what wisdom would you try to impart to the world if you knew it was your last chance?'. His talk lovingly, humorously and defiantly revealed the most important things Randy had learnt throughout his life, the wisdom that he had gathered and the message he wanted to leave his children, aged 1, 2, and 5.



The secret life of bees - Sue Monk Kid - 4.5/5
Lily has grown up believing she accidentally killed her mother when she was four. She not only has her own memory of holding the gun, but her father's account of the event. Now fourteen, she yearns for her mother, and for forgiveness. Living on a peach farm in South Carolina with her father, she has only one friend: Rosaleen, a black servant whose sharp exterior hides a tender heart. South Carolina in the sixties is a place where segregation is still considered a cause worth fighting for. When racial tension explodes one summer afternoon, and Rosaleen is arrested and beaten, Lily is compelled to act. Fugitives from justice and from Lily's harsh and unyielding father, they follow a trail left by the woman who died ten years before. Finding sanctuary in the home of three beekeeping sisters, Lily starts a journey as much about her understanding of the world, as about the mystery surrounding her mother.



How to be single - Liz Tuccillo - 4/5
Following a disastrous night out that began with steaks and martinis and ended in a trip to A&E, Julie Jenson decides that she and her four single friends are doing something wrong. Between them, there's more dysfunction and disappointment than she can handle. So Julie quits her job and sets off to discover how women around the world deal with the dreaded phenomenon of the Single Life. From proud Parisiennes to intense Italians, from ice-cool Icelanders to brazen Brazilians, Julie attempts to learn the secrets of these women's success.



Any Titles by Kathy Reichs - 4/5
I decided to try Kathy Reichs this year, and was greatly rewarded! Finally watched a episode of 'Bones' and for the first time that I can remember picked up a book because of the TV spin-off and not the other way around! Really find these books interesting, funny, sometimes suspenseful but always a great read!



Divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood - Rebecca Wells - 4/5
Finally read this book after watching the movie years ago - and I think it is a million times better than the movie! A great story about strong life-long friendships, love, life, family and the things we do to hurt eachother.



My friend Leonard - James Frey - 4/5
The follow-up to one of my favourite books of all time 'A million little pieces'. "While in rehab, James Frey finds a father figure in a shady mafia boss called Leonard. When Leonard returns to his dubious, prosperous life in the criminal underworld of Las Vegas, he promises James his support on the outside. Tragedy strikes the day James is released and his world seems set to implode. Unsure where to turn, he calls Leonard. Paradoxically, it is in Leonard's lawless underworld that James discovers the courage and humanity needed to rebuild his life"



Sushi for beginners - Marian Keyes - 4/5
Normally Keyes titles are traditional 'chck-lit' books but I found this one had a bit more substance (or I must have just liked the story - I can't remember!). "Hot - shot magazine editor Lisa Edwards' career is destined for high - rise New York when suddenly she's diverted to low - rise Dublin. But what can she do about it? Ashling Kennedy, Lisa's super - organized assistant, worries about everything from her lack of waist to the lack of men in her life. She's even anxious about a little bit of raw fish . . . Clodagh Kelly is Ashling's best friend and has her prince, her beautiful kids and a lovely house - everything in fact that Ashling ever wanted. And yet she's still not satisfied. Three women on the verge of happiness and even closer to complete breakdown. Which way will they fall?"



The girl who played with fire - Stieg Larsson - 4/5
Book 2 in the compelling 'Millennium' Trilogy. Really loved the first book (The girl with the dragon tattoo) and this one delivered as well. Set in Sweden, it is a great intreguing read.



We need to talk about Kevin - Lionel Shriver - 4/5
This was a confronting book about motherhood. In the wake of so many school shootings this is a book about a mother behind a child with murderous intent. "Eva never really wanted to be a mother and certainly not the mother of the unlovable boy who murdered seven of his fellow high school students, a cafeteria worker, and a much-adored teacher who tried to befriend him, all two days before his sixteenth birthday. Now, two years later, it is time for her to come to terms with marriage, career, family, parenthood, and Kevin's horrific rampage in a series of startlingly direct correspondences with her estranged husband, Franklyn. Uneasy with the sacrifices and social demotion of motherhood from the start, Eva fears that her alarming dislike for her own son may be responsible for driving him so nihilistically off the rails."

I think I was born 60 years too late

Yes it is true. I am completely convinced that I was supposed to be born in 1920, so I could be in my 20’s during the war years. Not that I really want to be around during that time for the war itself, but I really love that era.

Think about it, the fashions were amazing – little hats, pencil skirts, jackets, dresses… the women were curvaceous and that was a good thing. You were thought to be sickly if you were too skinny.

The men were… men. The good ones went off to war to fight and the lucky ones came home. They were courageous, they were courteous, they knew how to treat a girl like she was the most important person in the world. I say this with my only reference being movies I have seen, books I have read and grandparents I have talked to – so I am fully aware that I might be completely wrong.

There were movies and dances, leisurely walks and time to talk. Wholesome dinners with the family, milkshakes at the corner store and rides in the car. Life seemed more simple then.

Thinking about it, maybe I just want to be Allie from 'The Notebook' movie. She just looks so super cute!

What do you do when you head and your heart don't agree?

In the past my head and my heart have been in full agreement when it came to relationships. They were co-workers, co-captains, co-conspirators - working together to keep me on the right path... until this week.

Someone I dated in my uni years has recently entered my life again through a business relationship. We have not seen or talked to each other in over six years, yet when I saw him again it was like nothing had changed. My heart just picked up the same beat from our last meeting, tapping out a happy little rhythm as it always did when I was near him in the past. My head had other things to say though. With six years of life to draw on, my head was taking a far more cautions approach.

When it comes to love, society tells me to follow my heart, but life tells me to use my head. No wonder relationships are so difficult - especially when your head and your heart can't even get on the same page.

Sienna

So, If you didn't already know, I also have a passion for photography! I have a small business that I run in my spare time called Adored Photography. Nothing fancy - just me capturing moments.

I have recently discovered that i LOVE taking photos of newborn babies. There is such innocence there, such potential for greatness in each face - it gives me much hope!

I took some photos of Sienna - the daughter on my good friends Chris and Selena Protheroe. Wanted to put a couple up - i just love these pictures! Sienna was a bit of a wriggler but I managed to snap a couple of keepers in there!

What a pity you need a spark to make a fire....

So... been on a couple of dates with a lovely guy - strong faith, great job, house, nice car, good looking, polite, intelligent, caring, fit and healthy, doesn't smoke, drink or swear, no deep dark secrets in his past, strong connections to his family... he was ticking all the boxes on my list. Sounds great doesn't it? I thought so too....

Only problem being - no spark at all between either of us. Nothing at all. Not even a little one.

My goodness, I don't think anything has got me so darn depressed than the thought that he might have been the best man I would ever meet (and from what he told me, I was the best girl he had ever met) and still we couldn't get it together.

Doesn't bode well for my future at all. The 'bad boys' never worked with me because their deep dark past always came back to haunt them, and good girls just make bad boys feel guilty. Now the good boys don't work either.

I am still completely bamboozled about how anyone ever falls in love. There is so much that can go wrong, and even more that needs to go right.

So anyway, looks like I am going back to the drawing board. Right now, the thought of having to go through all the first date dramas over again and again and again is enough to drive me to the block of chocolate sitting in the fridge - thank goodness I have a little bit of self control.... and an overwhelming stinginess that doesn't want me to waste all the work I did at the gym today!

Suck it up Linda - go and eat an apple :) Things will look much more promising in the morning.... I hope.

Why I hate dating.

Yes it is true – I hate dating. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it ….. and there are very few things in life that I would actually admit to hating, and this is one of them (along with prank phone calls, most seafood and horror movies!).

I think it is the games people play that I dislike the most. My sister always tells me that you have to play the dating game to win the game but I am hoping to avoid the game all together.

For all you married people out there – I think you should wake up every morning and thank God that you don’t have to date the person lying there next to you any more. You don’t have to impress them, you don’t have to sound intelligent and look pretty all the time. They will (hopefully) love you for better or worse.

As a single person there is a long road between what you have and what I have – a somewhat unending one actually. A road filled with awkward conversations, first date outfit dilemmas, the old ‘does he like me / do I like him’ question, meeting the family, meeting the friends, making a good impression, heart break, excuses and the inevitable ending of what was hoped to be something different.

Dating was very different when I was in my early 20’s – it seemed much more fun, now it is just hard work. Where did the fun go I wonder? How do I get it back? What if I am dating forever? This is what keeps me awake at night this time of year – with winter stretching out before me, and summer so very far away.

I am sure that if this season of my life ever ends, that I might even look back on dating with fond memories – if I do please slap me over the head and remind me that I hated it. Hopefully I will then go and find my husband, look him deep in the eyes and say ‘thank God I found you’.

The things that break our hearts

I have been thinking a lot lately about the things that break our hearts. I think every adult has experienced some form of sadness that continues to hurt them – loss, loneliness, infertility, marriage issues, sickness or sadness. For some, they are afflicted with more than one of these feelings – for others, one hurt has caused another, ending with something they hold close falling apart like a house of cards.

I have clear and distinct memories of the moments when I actually felt my heart break. I wonder if writing about them will dull the ragged edges. Time has softened, but sadly not removed, what has been lost.

- - - -

I was 24 and I was moving house. Packing up the rental I had shared with my sister and a friend for 12 months. Sarah had already gathered her things and hauled ass to a better, more exciting life in Brisbane. My sister had joined the ranks of the blissfully happy – having been married only the weekend before.

I had called my 50 year old father during the week and sweet talked him in to coming over and helping tame our out of control garden. The super-cute three bedroom cottage that I had fallen in love with had been hard to pass by – but three girls forgot to consider how much work is involved in outdoor maintenance (I still remember that cottage and wish I had never left it behind).

Mum and dad arrived bright and early - lugging a cache of gardening paraphernalia. I bounded outside, keen to get the dirty work over and done with. Maybe I could talk mum in to helping me pack up the kitchen while she was in a helping mood.

My memory starts to get a bit cloudy here. I remember us all heading into the sunny kitchen for a cup of tea. The three of us sitting down, I was making jokes about something as I often did – probably about the lack of food in house, or somehow blaming the other two girls for the deplorable state of the garden. Dad started the conversation, we knew he had been having some pain in his shoulder and had gone to the hospital to get it checked out. The news was back – it was advanced cancer, and it was not looking good. I can’t remember what else said, except that I distinctly remember my dad looking at me and saying “Linda - I’m dying”. Words a child, no matter what age, should never hear.

I don’t think I have ever cried like I did that day, and I pray that I never do again. When I heard the ‘c’ word my brain just shut down, trying to block the entrances to my psyche so the truth couldn’t worm its toxic way in there. My mum says it was almost biblical, the way I reacted. She likened it to how women in foreign countries would keen and wail for their dead. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t process. All I could do was look at a man who I had loved every day for 24 years, and try to imagine a world without him in it.

I guess I eventually calmed down a little. I asked Dad who would walk me down the aisle on my wedding day – a somewhat selfish question in retrospect (was this a precursor of how I would be for the coming years? Self-preservation is second nature for me now). I wanted to know what came next – treatment? prayer? desperate pleading with God for leniency? all of the above?

My brother and sister-in-law, Lara, arrived from Brisbane. They had been told the previous weekend. They were there so we could be sad and optimistic together. I hoped that fighting overwhelming grief could be strengthened with numbers. As Dad was already in pain, and my brother had a broken collarbone from a biking accident at the buck’s party weeks before, Lara, mum and I did the gardening while the men supervised.

It certainly wasn’t the way I thought the day would end when I woke that morning, I had been anticipating another unremarkable Saturday in a life that, up to then, had been tragedy free – unremarkable.

I think that was the day that my heart broke for the first time.

Sure I had experienced my share of teenage heart-break – the type that comes from the then ‘world-shattering’ pain at the end of a relationship that you had high hopes for, when your pet dies, or your best friend leaves you behind and moves on.

Nothing can compare to just how badly a grown-up heart can break. When this occurs nothing is ever the same. It’s like you join an exclusive club that no-one wants to be a part of – because life was so much simpler before ‘that day’.

I think every adult has their own version of ‘that day’. I think that in time we all recover sufficiently to limp on, but we leave a little of ourselves (our hearts) where they first broke.