DAY 76

Today I am grateful for: adventures in cooking

I am grateful that when it comes to cooking, I am becoming fearless. Tonight I baked a roast dinner for the first time in my life. Yes - it is true. I have been afraid of roasting meat. Somehow my head told me that anything that tasted so good must be incredibly complicated to create. I was pleasantly surprised to learn just how mistaken I was.

Luckily my Mum was my dinner companion, and being a seasoned roaster, was able to tell me some of the tricks of the trade. I also stepped out of boring Linda land and baked Eggplant and Parsnips tonight as well. It was a night of newness. And it was delicious.

I actually spent 3 hours in the kitchen tonight and I don't think I could have been happier. I have emerged from a tidy kitchen with roast chicken and vegetable leftovers, a chocolate mudcake cooling on the bench and to-die-for fresh strawberry icecream in the freezer.

Happiness is ... sharing kitchen creations.

DAY 75

Today I am grateful for: quality moments

I tried something new tonight – Stonegrill at the Cube Hotel. A bit of a gimmick but the steak was great. Would have appreciated a sauce to go with it though.

Had a great night catching up with my friend Sally – chatting about our lives over the last 6 weeks. Sally’s life is filled with much more happenings than mine. I haven’t laughed so hard in I can’t remember how long as she regaled me with stories of her fiercely independent, nearly 2 year old daughter Jasmine. My my that girl is going to give Sally grey hairs over the next 10 years, and her Daddy grey hairs when she gets to high school after that!

I’m grateful for quality moments. The moments where you look at that life-long friend and realise that they just ‘get’ what you are talking about. Some friendships from school days are special and should be nurtured – they are friends who have seen where you came from, and love who you have become.

DAY 74

Today I am grateful for: Jetts - getting my butt (and everything else) in shape

I'm grateful for an affordable and great gym that's just a 2minute drive from my house. Jetts is an awesome gym - with new equipment, great staff and for only $11 a week!

I've been going regularly for over a year now. I managed to lose 14kgs, but alas after my personal trainer disappeared off to Brisbane at Easter those kg's have been sneaking back on. I don't think eating EVERYTHING when I was in the US helped much though...

So - it's back to the gym every day and sadly no more Deli for lunch. Sad sad sad.

I did try a new recipe tonight - I made crumbed snapper with sweet potato fries. It looked good on the plate but was disappointing to eat. The fish tasted like a mouthful of nothing. Maybe I'm just not a fish person. It was a major masterchef fail either way. I also overcooked the fries so that didn't help much either.

DAY 73

Today I am grateful for: a job that missed me

I guess a measure of how needed in an organisation you are is how much stuff piles up on your desk while you are away. As you can see - my desk was very full when I arrived this morning!

I was looking forward to heading back in to the office today - so that must mean I had a great holiday. I have come back feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the next 6 months before Easterfest 2011 descends.

I really do love working for Easterfest. I love what I do, I love the team I work with, I love that my office is a 10minute drive from my front door, I love that I work on a sexy MacBook.

I have always been a big believer in loving your job (if you can) - because you spend 70% of your week there. I am so grateful that God placed me in Easterfest 12 years ago - long before I even knew that what I do now was what I really wanted to be doing.

DAY 72

Today I am grateful for: Ava Blaze Moes

My brother and his family visited this weekend (Lara, Eden, Ava and Asher). I love it when the family comes to town. They fill up my mum's house until it is bursting at the seams. It reminds me of what it was like when we were teenagers - when the house was full of us 3 kids, our friends, the dog, the cats, the fish and our very full lives.

At the start of this '100 days' I told Lara that I would be thankful for her children in alphabetical order so as not to show any favouritsm. So Asher was first - leaving Ava to be next.

Ava seems to have really grown up a lot on the last 2 months or so. Her personality has really come out and she is a little firecracker at times, with a great sense of humour and a giant dose of individuality.

I am so grateful to have my 2 nieces and 3 nephews in my life. They make our family full, with love and laughter and stories and games and occasional argument. I love it.

DAY 71

Today I am grateful for: a quiet night in

After all my travelling this week it was great to have a night at home with family. Once the kids were in bed the grown-ups sat down at the dining room table to play 'Sequence' - my favourite game at the moment.

It's nice that we don't need to spend a lot of money to keep ourselves amused, and we don't have to sit in front of the TV either (though I think if we did we would all have fallen asleep anyway - party town at the Moes house!).

I'm grateful for quiet nights at home.

We also went to the botanical gardens today to let the girls burn off some energy. All the gorgeous flowers are out for the Carnival of Flowers.

DAY 70

Today I am grateful for: coming home

After travelling for 24hours I finally arrived back at my Toowoomba home this afternoon. It was great that my Aunty Sandie and Uncle Rodney were able to pick my up from my flight (as their flight from Canada arrived 2 hours before mine did).

When I got home I headed straight to mum's place, where she was waiting for me along with my brother Brian and my 2 nieces Eden and Ava were waiting as well.

There is something completely soul-affirming about homecomings where the people who are meeting you have missed you while you have been away. After lots of hugs from everyone we headed next door to my unit to say hello to my cats and to start unpacking.

I received mixed responses from my cats - Molly (the dark one) was excited to see me while Lulu (the dumb one) had forgotten who I was and ran away before I could get near her. Luckily she remembered again after everyone had gone home so that was nice.

My bedroom held more surprises - my bed was covered in balloons thanks to my friend Dana and her hubby Jason and my own dear mother's help. They also hung 'welcome home' banners everywhere too.

My amazing flat-mate Naomie had bought me some of the most beautiful roses I have ever seen - a brilliant orange. They remind me of the colour of sherbert. What am amazing welcome home - with roses and family, hugs and balloons. It was wonderful to me missed.

I am grateful for coming home and for being missed.

DAY 69

Today I am grateful for: leaving part of my heart in good hands

I'm at the airport waiting for my flight from Salt Lake City to LA. All day I have had that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The one that always comes when you know you have to do something that you don't want to do.

I did not want to once again say good-bye to people that I love. I seem to be doing that a lot in the last 6 months.

I realised that I had tears in my eyes when I arrived at this airport 3 weeks ago, and now I have tears in my eyes again upon leaving.

I think it has to do with my heart.

My arrival tears were because I was reunited with a piece of my heart that I had lost - the piece Alison left with 4 months ago. Today the tears were because I was losing that part again. It stays with Alison. She keeps it with her heart.

Is that what love is? Leaving pieces of your heart with people, hoping that they will care for it until the time comes to give it back?

I think in the case of loving my Dad, when he died that piece of my heart was lost along with him. Grief is learning to live with less of your heart.

Today I am grateful for the knowledge that I am leaving part of my heart in safe hands. I know Alison will care for it and bring it back to me.

DAY 68

Today I am grateful for: my amazing sister Alison

As tonight was my last night with Alison, her incredible husband Danny offered us the night off child duty so we could go out to dinner together. We decided we were not being sad about my leaving the next day but rather that we were celebrating a great visit.

Al took me to the most amazing restaurant I have ever been to. I doubt I will ever eat at such a place again unless God manages to send a very rich man my way.

The meal was divine, made all the better with spending time with Alison. Alison is one of my favourite people in the world. She is a wise woman who continually helps me through the times of my life that are the most confusing and frustrating. Alison can make me laugh and can make me cry. She understands all the good things and bad things in my life, as they are hers as well. We understand each others hopes, dreams, achievements and losses as only sisters can.

I thank God for giving me such an amazing sister. We had our ups and downs when we were growing up, but as adults we have become best friends. Alison's children are the closest I could get to my own. We have shared so much more than a common last name.

I also am grateful for my brother in law Danny. Danny is all I could ask for in a bro-in-law. He accepts our crazy 'Moesisms' and even finds then amusing at times, he helps fix things around my house, he helped me redecorate my room and assisted me in painting and he loves my sister very very very much. There is not much more I could ask for at all.

Here are some more pics of the dinner and restaurant tonight. I love food. I really do.

DAY 67

Today I am grateful for: a safe trip

We made it back to Utah this afternoon at 4pm, after doing just under 1000 miles in 2 days. Eeek I won't be signing up to do that with 2 kids in the backseat any time soon.

Today's pic is Jamin's favourite friend, Dorothy the Dinosaur, keeping him company while he watched DVD's in the car this afternoon. We all had a bit of a chuckle at the headphones.

Danny did an admirable job of towing the 28ft caravan behind us - even when the winds were gusting as we traversed the plains of Idaho. I thank God for travelling mercies.

One interesting by-product of being away from my home for the last 5 weeks is that I have realised just how much I love food and cooking. I love thinking about food, discovering new recipes, mastering a tricky technique and sharing the results with friends. I love the joy that comes from sharing an amazing meal, a delectable dessert, a mouthwatering cake, a biscuit baked with love.

My body and I both love food. I love to eat food, my body loves it so much that it likes to store it up for later on my hips. For this reason I have been on a strict and incredibly boring 'gym-friendly' diet for the last 12 months. I've decided to become the queen of healthy cooking. I'm going to master the low-calorie but tasty dinner. I will work out how to trick my hips into letting go of the food it loves.

More amazing scenery today, and sadly this will be the end of it for the trip - with just a day and a half left in Utah before I jump on a plane back to Brisbane on Wednesday evening.

DAY 66

Today I am grateful for: being Utah bound

We are on a mission to get home to Utah as soon as possible, so Danny can be back at work on Tuesday and I can have a day at home before I begin the equally long journey back to Australia on Wednesday night.

We have done 10 hours in the car today, over 500 miles. All going to plan we should be back in Salt Lake City by 5pm tomorrow – with only 6 hours left.

It is good to be heading home, although it was sad to say goodbye to our Canadian family. It still amazes me just how at home we all felt there – like a home away from home.

Here are some pics from my travels today. It was raining most of the day so everything from this morning is quite dreary.

DAY 65

Today I am grateful for: sunny skies and answered prayers

The day began looking very bleak – with grey and rainy skies. With an outdoor ceremony planned for 3pm there were a lot of prayers heading skyward that the sun would make an appearance. Alison and I discussed our scepticism that God actually answered prayers regarding the weather.

Deep down I think we believed that God has much better things to do (like curing cancer and saving lives) than to spend his time on our seemingly unimportant (and a little selfish) prayers about nice weather for a wedding.

Slowly, throughout the morning and early afternoon the rain lessened, the clouds lifted and our hopes increased. Chairs were set outside the tent (risky we know). The guests gathered, the music started and just as the bride began her walk down the aisle… the brilliant afternoon sun came out.

We will never know if God had that sunny-sky planned all along, or if those heartfelt prayers persuaded him to change his mind. Regardless, I learned an important lesson today – never underestimate the power of prayer and God’s understanding of the things that are important to the ones he loves.

______

Here are some other pics I snapped off today. I LOVE the one with Kael pulling Alison’s earring. The look on her face is the exact one that my brother, Brian, gets from time-to-time. Priceless.

DAY 64

Today I am grateful for: reminders....

So many things to be thankful for today.

1 - Dan and Kerissa's wedding shower. A reminder that love and family and God are the best things.

2 - A visit to the park with the family and Auntie Sandie this afternoon. A reminder that kids only stay kids for a short time. Blink and it's over.

3 - That bittersweet reminders are the ones that leave a permanent mark.

As I mentioned yesterday, last night we had over 25 relatives in the house all at once. It was a complete surprise to see that Dad's cousins were quite similar to him in looks and temperament. At one stage I swear if I had closed my eyes I could have imagined him joining in the conversation as well - joking with his family, teasing his daughters and bragging about his grandchildren.

It was a bittersweet moment. A subtle memory of a man much missed even there in that place - many long miles from his home.

________

Family wedding shower brunch. Jamin decided to join the bridal party up the front during the present-opening. He delighted in yelling out what was in each package as they were opened. And I thought Jamin was going to be shy.....

The boys helped Uncle Ron wash the cars this afternoon. Photos care of Alison.

Kael has a new favourite snuggle friend. Our cousin Sam is quite taken with both boys too. He said to me tonight 'Danny and Alison do make gorgeous children, don't they'. I agreed.

DAY 63

Today I am grateful for: a quiet(ish) day

With a wedding quickly approaching in 2 days it was good to take a little time out today to actually breathe. Well in actuality, Alison took time to breathe (not really, she has mummy-enamoured children) and I went shopping with two of my Aunty's.

I caught Jamin nearly falling asleep this afternoon, directly under where Albi the cat was taking nap. I found it a little amusing that they were mirroring each other.

I am loving spending time with my Canadian relatives and my Toowoomba Aunty Sandie, Uncle Rodney and cousin Sam - there is a strong Aussie contingent at this wedding which is fun! We spent a bit of time over dinner discussing the best way to eat vegemite to ensure the most edible result (not on a bagel!).

Somehow tonight when it was time to get the hamburgers on the BBQ there was not a man to be found around (they do disappear quickly), so I saved the day and did the BBQing. I had to take a photo because I was so proud that I was successfully not setting anything on fire at the time.

I also wanted to show you how us Moes's do dessert.From left: Danish, cheesecake, brownies and my choc-chip cookies. Yummo!

So tonight's house count is currently at 27 and climbing (and everyone is related somehow).

Sleeping arrangements are:

• Bedding down outside in 2 x RV's - 6 adults and 2 kids
• Inside the house - 8 adults
• In the other house in town - 9 adults.

So that is a total of 25 people involved in the wedding sleeping tonight. I don't know everyone's name. I am a bad guest. I did make 5 dozen cookies for the wedding gifts though, so I feel like I am contributing somehow.

Loving every minute here but also looking forward to getting back home to the rest of my family too.

DAY 62

Today I am grateful for: dinner for 20...

What an amazing day. Just an hour ago I was sitting at a dinner table with 20 other people, most of them related to me in some way or another, the rest of them being some of the nicest people you could ever meet. We are here in Vancouver, Canada for my second cousins wedding on Saturday.

The Moes family (my dad's side) is pretty much split between Australia and Canada amongst my grandfathers siblings. I think from memory there were 9 kids (I know - 9 kids!! Obviously not a lot on TV those years!!) - 3 of whom immigrated to Australia (from Holland) after the war, and 6 immigrated to Canada.

I love it that family are the same throughout the world - well the Moes family is anyway. We all sit at the dinner table together, make jokes, talk LOUDLY over each other and make fun at one another's expense (in love of course!).

I am really looking forward to the next couple of days here. There is nothing like being instantly accepted into a family that reminds me so much of my own.

I am grateful for family - near and far-away. Old and new. The same and yet so different.

DAY 61

Today I am grateful for: lunch with family

We headed to Victoria today, about 90mins drive from Nanaimo where we are staying. It was a beautiful, picturesque town with a harbour, nearby CBD shopping, gorgeous old buildings and lots to see.

We had a great lunch together on the harbour front, with the boys happily munching away on their food, and us grown-ups enjoying a meal out with the rest of the world.

I am grateful for time with Alison, Danny and the boys. I am grateful that I was able to carve space out of my work year, make the trip over and share these moments with the people I love. I need to remember that life isn't just about the destination, it is the moments that make up the journey that count.

So we had our worst night in the caravan last night. Kael was up with Croup from 10pm until 3am, waking Jamin up with his crying during that time too. Every time I woke up to the crying I felt very, very, very sorry for Alison having to be mummy in that situation. Both boys needed their mum, so Danny slept on Kael's bed and both Jamin and Kael were in with Alison. I admire Al greatly, as instead of praying for the boys to go to sleep, she instead prayed for the patience to be what that boys needed in that moment.

Being here with Al has made me realise

1 - how much I want to be a mother and

2 - how much I don't want to be a single mother.

I guess with this revelation it has reinforced my understanding that unless God can bring about a marriage for me I won't be able to be a mother in the sense that I have always hoped to be.

This trip, and this 100 days process, has and continues to help me come to terms with a life that I never expected to be living, and planning for a future that looks completely different to the one I had always hoped for. For me, maybe love and contentment won't be in the form of a wedding ring and the pitter-patter of little feet in our hallway. Maybe it will be found somewhere I can't even imagine.....

Maybe I need to take a page from Alison's book. Instead of praying for things to change I should be praying for the patience to be what I need to be right now. It's food for thought anyway.

DAY 60

Today I am grateful for: an afternoon in the garden

We have arrived in Canada! Hooray!

Today I am grateful for time in the garden with the kids and not spending days in the car anymore. We arrived in Vancouver Island this afternoon and headed to Danny & Al's friends Ben and Charlene and their little boy Noah. They have a giant vege garden in their backyard and a huge apple tree.

We had a great moment picking apples straight off the tree and eating them for afternoon tea. You can see Danny giving Alison her apple in the top right photo. I said I thought in the olden days if your true love presented you an apple it was a marriage proposal - lucky they were already hitched! It was nice for Jamin to see where apples actually come from - not just the fruit section at the supermarket.

The scenery today was amazing again.

Washington national parks and on the ferry to Vancouver Island.

Just outside of Seattle.

I really like this photo. A little eerie but also reflective.

DAY 59

Today I am grateful for: the caravan/trailer

I have been describing our happy tribe as hermit crabs – because we drag our home behind us everywhere we go. I could easily become accustomed to ‘camping’ in this luxury.

This trailer is amazing (and equally huge at 28feet) with a queen bed in it’s own curtained off room, and double and single bunk beds also curtained off, a couch that converts in to a bed (mine) and a four person dining table that also converts (no-ones on this trip) + a full kitchen and a bathroom with separate vanity.

It has been so convenient to just pull up at a park when the kids have a melt-down, grab some food from the fridge and head out for a playtime. It takes about 5 minutes for Danny to get us set up when we get our site for the night (which is also quite cheap - $20 to $30 a night).

Today has been a very long day. We drove for around 6 hours, and as Jamin is a little sick he hasn’t been having a great time at all. The kids were great in the van last night though, with the only drama being the smoke alarm going off at 12.30pm from having the humidifier on. It took us 3 grown-ups about 5minutes to get our wits about us enough to rip the battery out. Luckily neither sleeping monster woke up (amazing!).

Fingers crossed tonight is as good (without the alarm) though I don’t hold out much hope as Jamin is still awake after going to bed an hour ago due to a 5 minute catnap in the car at 4pm……

Today the landscape was ever-changing.

Idaho (reminded me a little of the moon)

Oregon was very agricultural based. Very flat with lots of farms.

We ended up in Washington with lots of national park and pine trees. I learned today that Washington DC is not in Washington state - it is it's own federal district on the other side of the country.

The view from our RV campsite. It is a RV park linked to a Golf course. Very pretty and quiet

I must say that Al and Danny are acclimatising to American life very well. Note Alison is drinking Budweiser from an American flag 'cooler' with her ugg boots on, while Danny is a little further north with a Canada jumper on. Classic.

Danny and I are not sold on that hat Kael is wearing either - but Alison likes that he can't pull it off and his ears are warm!

Looking forward to making it to Canada tomorrow!!