DAY 85

Today I am grateful for: overcoming stigma's

(well one of them anyway)

In my early 20's I came to the realisation that I needed to get over my own personal fear of going to the movies alone or I would never actually get to see anything on the big screen. You can only wait so long for things to come out on DVD.

For whatever reason I found myself with a Saturday night empty; no boyfriend, no sister, no friends available and a movie showing that I really wanted to see. I wish I could remember what it was - maybe 'City of Angels' or 'Bad Boys' or something from that era.

I remember sitting in my seat before the movie started, thinking that all those snuggly smug couples around me were judging and snickering at me - I could almost hear their comments: "What loser, that homely looking girl has no friends or boyfriend so she has to see this movie on her own. I am so thankful that I have {insert ruggedly handsome guys's name here} so I never have to be like her". I think I pretended to text someone on my phone to make it look like I was more popular than it seemed. I walked out of that movie feeling somewhat freed. I had survived a solo movie experience.

Since then I often go on my own. Quite often I have the time to see a movie but no friends or family are either available or interested. The thing that I am most grateful for is that I don't care any more. Actually I kind of even prefer it.

Here are my top 5 reasons why going to the movies alone is better:

5 - You don't have to get dressed up. You are invisible to everyone in the theatre anyway.

4 - You can eat whatever you want. No one cares.

3 - You don't have to share the armrest or movie snacks.

2 - You can sneak in to that last remaining seat in the back row rather than sitting in the front.

1 - No one distracts you by making comments during the whole movie .

I know girls who have never been to a movie alone, or would even consider it. They seem to have a string of single friends and boyfriends at their disposal, or an agreeable husband. I guess my overcoming this stigma was born out of necessity.

As a single girl I have done lots of things I never thought I would do - like holidaying alone, owning and using a tool kit (even if it is pink), travelling solo internationally, standing up for myself, signing a mortgage that will take me until I am middle aged to pay back, comforting instead of being comforted, buying my own diamond jewellery, growing up and (sadly enough) becoming a cliche (does 'single female, 30+ with more than one cat' ring any bells?).

So I guess this grateful is about more than just overcoming the movie stigma, it is being grateful for finding the strength to step out of my comfort zone and doing things that frighten me.

I wonder who I might have become if I hadn't done these things? Probably living a life coloured with more grey. I am thankful I will never know.